Sunday, December 29, 2019

Kylo's Ascension



As much as we love Kylo, it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing. He's highly intelligent, but he is by no means obedient. He was stray for a good while, he's savvy, knows how to figure stuff out, and therefore, doesn't have a whole lot of "need" for humans. He likes us, he wants to be with us, but that doesn't mean he's going to do what we say just because we say it.

He's been pretty good about listening to me when not distracted. But when distracted, it's a whole other story. And even for me, when I come in after working all day, if he's out of the crate, but not outside, he turns into a Tazmanian Devil, jumping and mouthing me, trying to get me to stop walking and crouch to the floor so he can be close to myself. So, I could solve the problem by just crouching to the floor the moment I walk in the door. But that's not my style. (If he's in the crate and I'm the one to let him out, it's fine. If he's outside, and I'm the one to let him in, it's fine. It's just if he's free ranging in the living room that it's an issue.) He also still goes berserk at the doorbell, is still fearful of the vacuum, and still tends to jump on adult guests. He also still eats the kids' toys if given the opportunity. So what HAVE we accomplished so far?

A lot, actually! You see, until we got him into our house, we had no idea he'd never lived in a house before. He was a bull in a china shop. He was all over the furniture, counter surfing, knocking the kids down, mouthing the kids, and within a week, I had realized he wasn't even housebroken! He would relieve himself outside if he happened to be outside, but if he were in the house when he got the urge, he wouldn't communicate his intent to relieve himself before doing so. And when I would let him outside, he had no sense of urgency about relieving himself. He also had no sense of urgency about relieving himself on walks, either, instead storing it all up until he found a neighbor to greet - he'd jump to great the neighbor and then open the floodgates on the neighbor's shoes. There were lots of destructive behaviors, some escaping behaviors, as well as a ridiculous obsession with retrieving and chewing on kitchen towels and bedsheets, until I gave up on the "leave it" command and simply found new, inaccessible places to store said items.

He aced beginning and intermediate obedience classes. I warned the instructor and the other classmates, "He's smart, but he's not actually obedient." Finally, in the advanced class, the instructor got to see just how untrained he actually was. Both he and another little dog - maybe a lab-beagle mix, were exhibiting identical behaviors - jumping up on people, and reacting to nearby dogs. She dedicated the entire series to teaching them not to react. We practiced standing outside of Petsmart and not reacting to the dogs walking in and out. We tried practicing walking our dogs together, and still not reacting to the other dogs.  We had good days and bad days. The other dog stopped attending. We kept going, well past the 6 weeks that were designated to the class. She invited me to bring him back to an intermediate class, just to practice the skills in the presence of more dogs.

Meanwhile, Kylo began having random moments of fearfulness towards Tyson. He at times would act as though he wanted to "protect" the rest of us from Tyson. So off to the vet we went. The vet explained that since it was clear Kylo had separation anxiety, the protective behaviors may also be due to anxiety. Even his jumping and mouthing could be anxiety related. The vet gave me prescription medication and a referral to a behaviorist, stressing that the medication wasn't the cure, that behavior modification was necessary to fix this.

The medicine made a huge difference - suddenly, walking Kylo around other dogs was a breeze, and he initially stopped mouthing and jumping on me. But while we waited for the appointment with the behaviorist, Kylo's fearfulness increased. He was now trembling around Tyson, and even leaking urine in front of him. The behaviorist explained, "His behavior is VERY submissive. You have a dog who is afraid of you." She taught us a lot about fearful dogs. She showed us numerous pictures of dogs and people's emotional states, teaching us to find the similarities. She showed us lots of pictures depicting the many ways dogs can display fear. She increased the dose of Kylo's medication, and taught us new ways to address Kylo when he is experiencing fear. She couldn't identify the cause of Kylo's fear, just "something is spooking him." She said instead of trying to get him to face his fear, Tyson should just redirect Kylo's attention elsewhere. Meanwhile, she noted that Kylo was "both pushy and fearful" and worked to address Kylo's attention-demanding behaviors.

Next, she had Tyson feed him freshly cooked chicken while working to establish trust.Then she worked on teaching Tyson some relationship building skills, through "Touch" and "Watch me." She explained that by getting Kylo to make eye contact with Tyson, his oxytocin levels would increase, strengthening their bond.  Lastly, she recommended Tyson teach Kylo "environmental agility" to strengthen their relationship.


Kylo had already figured out how to climb on the swingset on his own...


After just one practice session with Tyson, Kylo easily climbed the wall.









Suddenly, Kylo is so much more interested in Tyson. One day, Tyson said, "Look at him, he's weird again. He won't come when I call him." He squatted down, held out his hands, and Kylo walked straight into his arms, and gave him a kiss. While he always seemed restless until every member of his pack came home, now he actively seeks Tyson for affection.


I am so glad that he and Tyson are back on track. But I also really get a kick out of Kylo's new skills!


Christmas 2019




Christmas is one of our favorite holidays. We were lucky this year to get to celebrate with both Grandma G and Grandma A. We continued Peggy Johnson's tradition of Christmas jammies. My sister's right, it adds to the joy because the kids look as though they, too, are wrapped up as Christmas gifts.




We were very lucky that Santa called our house to check in with Tyrien. I think Tyrien gave him a run for his money! Poor Santa couldn't get a word in edgewise, and finally, asked if Tyler was there, and if by any chance he could speak to him. Tyler was happy to oblige.

Tyrien was shouting at Tyler to give him back the phone to talk to Santa some more. Santa quickly got off the phone. As Tyler wasn't sure if Santa got everything, he proceeded to write him a letter. He dropped it in the mail before we could check how he had labeled the envelope. I explained that next time, he needed to use a stamp, return address, etc. He cranked out another letter to Santa, put a stamp on the envelope, assured me he had spoken to Tyson about it, and dashed out to the mailbox again. When I checked in with Tyson later, why no, he had NOT gone over how to properly address/return address an envelope, and of course, the mail man had already picked it up. Surprisingly, that letter somehow made it to Santa, because Santa wrote back! Tyler was thrilled.

Meanwhile, Christmas the Elf continued to serve as a backup for communicating with the North Pole. While Grandma A was at our house accepting a refrigerator delivery, somehow Christmas ended up in Kylo's mouth. Grandma A was able to rescue Christmas and nurture him back to health. He will forever bear the mark of Kylo on his face, but he seemed cheerful as ever about it.

We continued our annual tradition of building a gingerbread house (from a kit cuz we're slackers like that) and baking Christmas cookies to give away as gifts. This year, I got behind. I cut and baked the sugar cookies on the Thursday night before Christmas, in the hopes that Tyler could give them to his teachers the next day, which was the last day before the break. Tyler decorated 7 cookies in the morning, but they didn't set fast enough. I stopped by the house to pick them up before going to pick him up from early release at school. He handed one teacher a cookie, bypassing his math teacher, who was standing right next to her, and running to deliver a cookie to his drama teacher, stopping to give one to his art teacher, who was in the crosswalk at the time, calling out, "Drive-by cookie delivery???" He then ran back to the initial cluster of teachers and proceeded to pass them out, again bypassing his math teacher. He ran out of cookies, so left without giving her one. Awkward...we'll have to give her a new year's treat instead.

We were then able to decorate the rest of the cookies at our leisure. We listened to Tyler's playlist while working on the cookies, including Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" and Beastie Boys "You Gotta Fight", so of course decorating fell to the wayside as the dance party emerged. The irony that we were rocking out to those two songs in particular while Grandma G was trying to take a nap made me laugh. The dance party/cookie decorating continued for quite some time, and led directly into the gingerbread house assembly project.



A couple years ago, Tyrien experimented by shoving a gingerbread house decoration - a candy ball, way up his nostril. He remembered this, and was very concerned with preventing Tyler and me from making the same mistake.

Typically, we invite Grandma A for a special Christmas sleepover at our house. Grandma G sleeps on the futon in the family room, and Grandma A sleeps on an air mattress in the office. This year, Grandma A was dogsitting for our friends, so we skipped the sleepover. Still, on Christmas Eve, we continued our annual tradition of attending the Christmas Eve Candlight Service together. We've been going to Catalina United Methodist for the past few years. This year, they set up a cookie decorating station and a photo booth.


After the service, we drive around, looking for awesome Christmas Light displays. This year, the Castle House on 5th St. was a favorite, as were some in the neighborhood right behind it.

We got the kids to bed early this year, around 9pm. Tyler was very concerned that he would not be getting any gifts this year, particularly since he hadn't seen any presents anywhere around the house.   We agreed that he could wake any late sleepers at 7am by playing the piano. Kylo alerted me that Tyler was up and out of his room a little before 6am. I went to capture the beauty of the early bird scoping out the Christmas gifts.


At 7:00am, Tyler began plunking some tunes - Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. When this failed to elicit the desired response, he repeated the song, louder and louder, rousing Tyrien and Grandma G, but not Tyson. Finally he gave up and went to our room to deliver a personalized wake up message to Tyson.




The boys moved on, but Kylo kept on posing...



Our tradition of allowing the four-footed member of the family to initiate the gift-opening process continued. However, since Kylo is too nervous to enjoy chewing on a bone in front of people, Santa brought him a different type of gift this year.


Kylo loves stuffed animals, and he loves puzzles. How perfect to get a puzzle made out of stuffed animals!


The chipmunks turned out to be a great source of entertainment for the rest of us throughout the day.




Meanwhile, the gift-opening continued...






Favorite gifts this year were beyblades for Tyler, Paw Patrol and a claw machine for Tyrien, and flannel sheets to warm those cold little feet at night. Grandma A came over later in the morning, bearing more gifts.Tyson made a delicious breakfast, then Tyler and Tyson enjoyed a new video game. After a while,  Tyson and I enjoyed a winter walk with Kylo - usually only one of us gets to walk with Kylo at a time, so a walk together was a special treat.  Grandma A returned for our family dinner.

The day after Christmas is usually "Official Play With Your Toys Day." This year, Grandma G wanted to go see her cousin Gary. I knew his son Brad was in town with his family. I know how much Tyler loves to see cousins, so we left our house at 8:30am to try to catch Brad and his family before they left town. It worked! We arrived just as Lili and the kids were pulling away for supply shopping. We caught up with Gary and Beth, then Brad returned from hosting a geocaching event. He introduced Tyler to Cameron's scooter. Tyler asked, "Is the man with the grey shirt, not the old man but the other man, is he my family?" As I explained, "My Grandma K was Echo Belle, she was sisters with Erma, Erma's son is Gary, inside, and Gary's son is Brad", Brad entered the garage, immediately caught on to the conversation, and added, "your mother and I are second cousins, so you and Cameron are third cousins." Tyler grinned. He loves family!


At last, Cameron arrived! Tyler got some time alone with him. For the first time ever, when I approached Tyler to snap a picture, Tyler gave me a look as if to say, "Mom, you're ruining it! Leave us alone!" I quickly retreated, beaming inside to know how much Tyler treasured this moment.


Merry Christmas!