Big Brotherly Love

As we've said, Tyler has been asking for a younger sibling ever since his friend Izzy was born. He told Izzy's mom, Brooke, that he wanted a little sister, then told two different preschool teachers, and then eventually, told us. We noticed that when he went to play at friends' houses, he spent alot of time with the younger siblings, be it Izzy, Wesley, or Auggie. I always wanted to have two kids - I treasure my relationships with siblings, and wanted to offer Tyler the same opportunity - but it was Tyler who prompted us to finally take the plunge. 

Tyler often asked to read books about being a big brother, or about having a little sister. He kept asking for a sister, but acknowledged a brother would be okay too. And he referred to "GodotDeuce" throughout as a "he". (Tyson was sure from the start that we were having a boy. I trust the strength of Tyson's willpower - I mean, the guy wanted Tyrien to be born on a Friday, out of the hospital, and he was!) and the pregnancies were so similar, I had a pretty strong feeling from the beginning that we were having a boy, too.) 

The books explained ways Tyler could be involved, not only after Tyrien was born, but also during the pregnancy. He asked questions and made plans for being involved, frequently expressing his goal to be a good helper and a good big brother. 

In my family growing up, siblings of a very young age are allowed to hold babies - there are pictures of Payton holding Cole as a newborn, and she was only 18 months at the time? Tyson seemed nervous about Tyler being able to hold Tyrien safely. But at the first visit to the pediatrician - the same day he was born -  Dr. Swanson took a few minutes during the visit to place Tyrien in Tyler's lap and showed him how to safely hold him. How cool is that? 

At home, we've found it much easier to get them positioned correctly, and Tyler loves it. He asks to hold Tyrien often, and gets sad if Tyrien gets hungry while in his arms, because he doesn't want to give him up!

Our nighttime routine is so enjoyable - I try to be the one to hang out with Tyler while he brushes his teeth and changes his clothes, to get special 1:1 time with him. I make it a point to do his baths on bath nights for the same reason. Then when he's ready for bed, he, Tyrien, Tyson and I (and sometimes Vader) all hang out on the floor in his bedroom to read books before bed.

A few days before Tyrien was born, when we set up the pack-in-play in our room, Tyler suddenly became lonely being in his own room. It makes sense - he's thinking, why is everyone in our family in the master bedroom but me??? He asked for someone to sleep in his room, first me, then Tyson, then finally Vader. I was able to get Vader to stay with him one night, but other nights, Vader escaped and was discovered laying against our bedroom door. I let Tyler know Tyrien would eventually be sharing a room with him, and asked him if he knew what bunk beds are. Now he speaks frequently about his future bunk beds, and has already claimed the top bunk.

Meanwhile, Tyson and Tyler are spending lots more time together, as Tyson has been handling the preschool drop off/pickup responsibilities. I think Tyson's the reason Tyler's art skills and creativity
have suddenly taken off. They definitely find fun things to do together!

This past Saturday, the four of us ventured out of the house for haircuts. Sounds simple, right? We left at 10:30am. Then after we were done, we decided to get lunch, and Tyler requested to go see trains. I was interested in drinking a good beer, so we went to Barrio and sat on the porch to eat. Then we heard from the Bushman family, they were heading to the Maker House for a craft fair. Craft fairs are NOT our thing, but I reminded Tyson that Tyler had fun with the pacman game there before, and he'd enjoy seeing Ruby and Izzy. So off we went. It turned out, all the video games were free that day. Tyler and I played against each other for a while, then Ruby and Tyler played, and then Tyler picked this machine and wouldn't leave it alone...

After, the Bushmans invited us out to dinner. We had to make a diaper run by that point, since we'd only planned to be away from home for an hour or two. It turned out, they love La Botana as much as I do! After dinner, they invited us back to their house, and Tyler finally got the campfire he'd been asking for since Halloween. He played with Izzy until she went to sleep, and he went to sleep soon after. We didn't end up leaving until after midnight! What a fun day!

As for resemblences, Tyrien has a lower forehead than Tyler, and less hair, but there's definitely a strong resemblence right now. Sometimes he even rocks the Tyler Fro-hawk!
Here's a picture of Tyrien, 17 days old.

Here's Tyler at about the same age, with the Fro-Hawk in all its glory...

I am so excited for Tyler and proud of him for being such a great brother.

As for Tyrien, he's doing great. He was an awesome eater right from the start, was back up to his birth weight four days after his birth, and as of this Tuesday, was up to 9lbs, 14 oz. Already my wrists are hurting from lifting him, he's so heavy! (I got a brace for my left hand, since I learned the hard way last time...) To think, that's as big as Cole was when he was born! His pediatrician said to her partner, "This guy's a champ!" He's mellow and calm for the most part, with the exception of mid-evening, when he seems very uncomfortable. But Tyson's been using the happiest baby on the block techniques, especially the very loud shushing, and that's been working. He has clear preferences, such as only wanting to lay down on his right side - the same side I had to lay on to be comfortable the whole time I was pregnant. He will shift himself to be laying on that side. He's already making eye contact with us and smiling. Very fun!

We'll post more pictures soon!

Like Father, Like Son

It's official - Tyrien is definiately a Keith! Terry (Grandpa), Tyson, Tyler, AND Tyrien all sleep with their hands behind their heads! 

He's Here!

Introducing...

Tyrien Reynard Keith

11/14/2014

12:36am

8lbs, 3oz

20.5"

If you like birth stories with lots of details, here you go. If not, please skip down to the pictures!

The Birth Center staff were so great about trying to help us stay out of the hospital. One of the midwives, Maya, successfully stripped my membrane late Monday afternoon. I was already having bad low back pain, similar to what I had when I went into labor with Tyler. After the appointment, the back pain intensified considerably, and I kept having to breathe deeply at intervals while reading to Tyler. I thought labor was starting, and after hesitating several times, eventually called Tyson and asked him to head home because I didn't want to labor alone with Tyler there, and I was nervous about having a ride to the birth center. But after I put Tyler to bed, I noticed I was breathing normally again, and by the time Tyson got home, the pains had stopped altogether. I felt pretty embarrassed for making Tyson come home, but the next day he reminded me, it wasn't like I was asking him to take me to the hospital. I just didn't want to be alone with Tyler with that kind of pain.

I continued taking the black cohash, evening primrose oil, and raspberry leaf tea, and on Tuesday I cleaned the house, walked 3.5 miles, and had acupuncture. On Wednesday, at Maya's instruction, I paged the midwife on call, Sandy, and she met up with me to strip my membranes again. Again I had instant back pain, but this time there were no waves, just constant, intense pain. She told me instead of walking, to just relax that day. I did light cleaning and watched funny movies - it felt like having an extra clean house might help me to relax enough to labor. Thursday I re-cleaned, and at 1pm went to the birth center for my 41 week appointment, knowing I'd risk out of the birth center at midnight that night. I had no signs of labor, and was still only dialated to 2cm, stretching to 3 when examined. Same as the day before. I expressed my sadness to Maya, that I would be stuck with a hospital birth, and with Group B Strep, would have to stay for 48 hours. She encouraged me to try to get released at 36 hours and tried to reassure me that the hospital policies had improved over the past four years. She stripped my membranes again and reminded me that if I showed any signs of labor at all that evening, to call the midwife on call and try to get admitted to the birth center - I would not have to deliver by midnight, only be admitted by then.

I went to the store and after debating with myself, bought Tyler a big brother gift - movies to watch while visiting me in the hospital.  Then I went and walked at Himmel Park, again noticing how intense my back pain was, and it seemed like it was starting to come in waves again. I even thought to myself, "Now, THIS is why I made Tyson come home Monday night! No wonder! But I'm not going to be fooled by this feeling twice." I picked up Tyler, let him play at the park, then we headed on our long journey home, stopping at Costco on the way. However, while driving, I gave myself permission to time  my back pain, and sure enough, it was coming in waves that were 4 minutes apart.

When Tyson got home, I flat out stated, "I'm in labor." "How do you know?" "Because I'm in labor."
By then my contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart, and I was having to lean forward, rock, and breathe deeply to manage them, but they were only lasting for 8 deep breaths, which turned out to be about 30 seconds. Each time I'd sit down on the birthing ball, I'd stand right back up again, because they were starting to come back to back. I called the midwife on call, Cece (who delivered Tyler). She gently informed me that "30 second contractions don't really do much." I was devastated that I'd gotten my hopes up again. I admitted, "I'm just trying to meet that deadline."  She offered, "What we could do is meet at the Birth Center at 10:00 tonight so I can check you, and try to admit you." A long drive, but I figured it would be worth the attempt, because it sounded like she was going to be as flexible as possible in interpreting the admitting requirements.

However, the contractions actually were getting uncomfortable. When I was laboring with Tyler, cleaning was comforting, and later, my feet paced involuntarily between contractions, and during contractions, I was most comfortable leaning forward over a high surface. This time, I couldn't figure out how to get comfortable in between contractions whether by pacing or by laying down in the bed, and sitting on the stability ball seemed to trigger those back to back contractions. It occurred to me that, much like a bad stomach flu, I wanted to be on a hard surface, like the floor, between contractions. Tyson suggested I time them while he took care of Tyler. I also realized I wanted a dark nest, so turned out the lights and set up pillows on the floor. I'd stand and rock during the contractions, then lay down on the floor in between. The contractions were still coming at every 2.5 - 3 minutes, sometimes still back to back, and still only lasting for 8 breaths. I considered a hot bath, but was worried that might make the contractions stop all together. So I decided to go for mind over matter, and put on my running playlist to try to relax, focus, and try to slow those contractions down.

Sure enough, I was able to get most of the contractions to space out to 7 minutes apart, and felt like I was almost sleeping between them. And yet sometimes they would still hit back to back - as soon as I'd lay down, I'd have to get right back up again. Tyler asked me to read him a book, and I had two in just that short amount of time. At 9:15, I called Cece to confirm the 10pm appt. I explained that contractions were now 7 minutes apart except when hitting back to back, and now were lasting for 12 breaths, about 45 seconds. To my surprise, she said, "Ok, that sounds better."

The drive to the birth center seemed to take forever - even though 9:30pm traffic was light, we were hitting every single stoplight along the way. It was hard to find a comfortable position for contractions, other than gripping the ohshit handle for dear life, and continuing to count my breaths. I didn't want Tyson to stop for his soda in case we weren't admitted, and because I wanted out of that truck as soon as possible. I told Tyson I was going to be upset if the pain turned out to be psychosomatic - it would be terrible if our minds could cause us to feel this intensity of pain!

Cece got there later than us. It felt so strange to be laboring under the stars, freezing my tail off in gym shorts and a tank top in the cold night, waiting for her to arrive. It cracked me up when Tyson announced he needed to use the restroom, but we were in this deserted office park, so he had to take a little walk, while I stayed at the truck by myself, leaning on the tailgate and rocking while lunging during contractions.

There were no other women in labor, so Cece had us pick a room, showing us only two of the four rooms, at which point, I went for the one that wasn't painted pink, and didn't even want to look at the other rooms.

To my surprise, when she checked me, as I searched her face for hints, and was about to give up all hope, she said, "700." ??? "7 centimeters." "So I can stay?" "No, you've gotta be actively pushing," she joked, "Of course you can stay. I was going to try to find a way to admit you anyway. But no, you're at 7. Want to get in the tub?"

She started running the water, then debated whether to set up an IV port or skip it, saying, "You get the antibiotics every 4 hours before delivery. But you're not going to be here for 4 hours before delivery." Sweet!

Tyson had said he wanted to stop for caffeine and I had asked him to take me in first, fearing somehow we weren't going to get admitted. He then assumed he couldn't go because it sounded like things were going to move fast, but I reassured him he still had time. Cece told him, "Hey, I wanted caffeine too, but I came straight here." It felt like she was encouraging him to stay. So I offered that Tyson could still go and buy her something, too. I was confident he'd be back in time. Cece suddenly had a change of heart, and acknolwedged that the nurse not only hadn't arrived yet, but in fact wouldn't be arriving for another hour, and that she wasn't worried about her arriving on time...So Tyson went on a soda run.

The tub took forever to fill - low flow faucet plus huge birthing tub. Bad combo. I viewed that tub like it was the promised land. It turned out not to be the instant pain reliever I thought it would be. But I was still much happier in the tub than out!

Tyson came back and announced that in addition to his soda, he'd drank a 5 hour energy drink. Too bad our expected delivery time was less than 4 hours!

At some point, Tiffany the nurse arrived. She was cool, sat on the floor some distance away from us, unobtrusively, but eventually we engaged in small talk. We realized we grew up in the same area - she is from Falls Church. She would've gone to George Mason High School had she stayed there for high school. She was great. She just hung out with us, while Cece pretty much left us alone, spending time doing paperwork at the desk, or coming in and sitting on the bed, talking to Tyson or to Tiffany.

Tyson set up my music, saying that he predicted I'd be annoyed by it pretty quickly, but I enjoyed it - my running playlist, so pretty hard stuff. The very first song that came on was Primus - Professor Nutbutter's House of Treats. Tyson and I both went to the same Primus concert long before we met - except he went to the one in Phoenix, I went to the one in DC. Still, it's a common bond. He cracked up when he realized I'd added Gangnam Style to the playlist. Tiffany seemed to like our music too, said that she found herself curious to hear what song would play next. I was thrilled when Jesus Lizard came on - those songs were what I used to listen to when I was weight lifting back in high school. And yet I also was happy to hear Thrift Shop, and even a song by Eminem. I think the variety definitely helped keep us all entertained.

Tyson was awesome, as soon as I'd get on my knees in the tub, he'd lean forward and press on the two pressure points in my back, while I'd silently count my breaths, sometimes getting up to 12, other times up to 18, then sit down cheerleader style in the tub, at first thanking him after each contraction, then later resorting to simply sighing to let him know to take a break. He frequently asked me questions during the contractions, which I couldn't answer, and I'd plan to answer them after, but by the time it was done, I'd forget what the question was. Sometimes I'd ask him to repeat it, sometimes not. I liked just listening to music during the breaks. At one point, he asked, "that was a really intense one, wasn't it?" I was so grateful to hear him acknowledge it, because I was thinking how incredibly painful it was. That simple validation meant the world to me. He later told me that he could see the nurse watching the clock, and that some of the contractions were lasting much longer than others, and some were coming back to back. Unlike with Tyler, I never got the euphoric endorphin thing going on. I tried to enjoy riding the waves, but never quite got there. It seemed like I was alert and present throughout this labor, whereas, with Tyler, I had definitely crossed over to the realm of Laborland.

Still, I tried to get my body to work with each contraction. Sometimes I'd catch myself breathing shallowly to try to ward off the impending contraction, but would ask myself, "Why are you holding back? This contraction will bring you closer to meeting GodotDeuce!" And then I'd let it come and count my breaths until it was over.

I was expecting Cece to check me again or to say "I can tell you're in transition", but she said nothing throughout. I was expecting to reach the throwing-up phase, and since it didn't happen, I thought I must still be at 7 cm. Then on one contraction, I realized my body was starting to push. As it waned, I said, "I'm starting to feel pushy." Cece answered sarcastically, "You THINK?" Okay, guess I was past transition after all...I found her sarcasm refreshing, and reccognized that she was wanting me to just birth intuitively instead of thinking through it all. The next couple of contractions I let my body push, surprised I was at this phase already, especially since I hadn't thrown up yet. I was also surprised that despite drinking water, I didn't have to get out and go to the bathroom. The water stayed pretty hot. Tiffany brought cool washcloths and Tyson wiped me down between contractions, that felt awesome. He was so great. He decided to take a photo of me in labor, asking me to smile, but another contraction was starting...

[PS the tub is much bigger than it looks here! I just spent all my time at this end. Definitely big enough to fit two people comfortably, but, guess what? Even though I brought his swim trunks, Tyson did NOT choose to climb in :)  ]

At some point I heard Cece say, "It's okay to push" so even though she hadn't checked me, I made a more concentrated effort on pushing. Tiffany kindly came close to me, and I reached for her and said, "Yeah, I need you, I need to squeeze your hand." Suddenly the ladies were in close, with Cece encouraging Tyson and me to touch the amniotic sac. She was excited to see that and didn't want us to miss out. Tyson looked at and touched it, but I felt like I might somehow lose my balance if I  let go of Tiffany's arm to reach it. Still, I appreciated how cool it was to have my waters stay intact that long. On the next contraction, my water broke, and Cece said it formed a collar around GodotDeuce's head. Tyson described it as a hat. On the next contraction, the head was out, and Cece invited me to continue pushing even after the contraction was over, because the cord was wrapped twice around his neck. So for the second birth in a row, I powered through to push the body out without a contraction. I could feel her maneuvering his shoulders, and then, hooray, GodotDeuce was out! After unwrapping the cord from his neck, she helped me navigate my body around the cord so I could sit down and face him. She lifted his limp body from the water, and Tyson and I both asked, "Is he okay???" She explained, "Water babies are mellow. He's warm, he's comfortable. He doesn't feel like crying. He'll turn pink in a minute." She laid him against my chest in the water, and began rubbing him with a wet towel and splashing water on him. Sure enough, he turned pink, then red, and made some soft, sweet sounds. When she began draining the tub, his cries got louder and angrier. His cord was still pulsing for a long time, and they waited until it stopped pulsing to have Tyson cut it. I was curious and touched the cord. What a difference from my last birth! No rush,no intrusive people coming in at the last minute, getting to hold my child right away and experience new things that we won't likely experience ever again.

Tiffany helped me out of the tub while Tyson got some skin to skin time, and they had all three of us lay in the bed, with GodotDeuce on my chest, to wait for the placenta. The three of us in bed together was so much cozier than me being alone in a hospital bed!  Cece offered to stitch me while waiting, but since I was cramping, I didn't want to deal with the pain of getting stitched at the same time. She warned that if I went beyond 45 minutes without delivering the placenta, she'd have to have me transported to the hospital. Yet she never propositioned tugging on the cord to try to speed things up, she clearly was following my preference. She calmly waited, and just in time, the placenta arrived. She said it was healthy, and we discussed the ridiculousness of that 41 week risk out policy. Turns out, the midwives ask at least once a year to change the policy, but the doctors so far have always refused. She was hopeful that eventually they'll listen, as more and more statistics come in supporting the safety of med-free delivery after 41 weeks. Already, it's gotten slightly better -this time, the rule was that I couldn't go past 41 weeks, whereas last time, I couldn't deliver at the birth center AT 41 weeks - that extra day certainly mattered to me!

Stitching went much better for me this time - although it was repeatedly referred to as "a complicated repair", and I had to keep one arm above my head, gripping the headboard to brace myself, in my other arm was a cozy baby, with Tyson leaning against us both, keeping us warm.

Tiffany made me some oatmeal for breakfast, and brought me ibuprofen after I'd eaten. Again, so different from the hospital, where they kept pushing me to take Vicodin, which makes me throw up, and who wants to feel loopy when they're trying to figure out how to nurse a baby?

Cece and Tiffany left the room, hoping that would inspire us to sleep. We stayed up talking a while longer, until it was late enough to make a couple of phone calls. Tyson had to leave the room to make calls, and I finally fell asleep with GodotDeuce on my chest.

Around 8 in the morning, Tyson confirmed that Tyler was on his way. I was so excited to see Tyler, I got up and got dressed while Tyson took GodotDeuce outside for a walk. [Because you can do that at a birth center! Not at a hospital :) ]  I came outside just in time to meet Tyler in the parking lot, and it felt so good to hug him. Then we returned to the room, and invited Tyler to come onto the bed.

So much joy!

After hanging out for a bit, Tyson took Tyler to find breakfast. They brought back What-A-Burger. I still didn't miss the hospital - I remember the food there was so bad, Tyson went out on fast food runs for me then, too. Plus the hospital doesn't feed family members.

Again, loving that family bed.

We still needed to camp out for a few more hours. Tyler opened his big brother gift - How to Train Your Dragon 2 movie. He watched the movie while Tyson filled out paperwork and Olga the postpartum nurse gave me instructions for checking GodotDeuce for signs of Group B strep, and instructions for my own recovery. She even brought me a sitz bath to take home with me - again, so much better care than from the hospital! She was excited to include Tyler in her work, giving him a footprint tatoo on his arm when she made the footprint card, and offering to have Tyler help her give his brother his first bath - until she was reminded by the other nurse that they were recommending against newborn baths nowadays. Instead, they just wipe the babies off, and tell the parents to wait a few days to allow the baby to benefit from the microbiome, and they ask that the parents do as much skin to skin contact as possible. I thought the vernix would smell bad or look and feel gross, but it wasn't visible, smelled good, and felt soft. We ended up being fine with not bathing him for a couple of days.

Before we knew it, it was noon, and we knew we were allowed to leave at 12:30. So we packed up our room and started pre-emptively taking things out to our cars to ensure we were discharged on time. The nurses took note and began preparing for us to leave, including watching Tyson put GodotDeuce in the carseat for the first time. Then we decided to take a couple of pictures before leaving, so took GodotDeuce back out of the carseat.

Our first family of four photo - two tired and happy adults, one ecstatic four year old, and a sleeping baby!

I'd forgotten how much fun Tyson has a with a newborn!

GodotDeuce's timing couldn't have been better. Tyson was only allowed one day off of work to attend the birth, but since GodotDeuce was born overnight, Tyson was able to take all of Friday off. So we had all of Friday afternoon, Saturday and Sunday together at home, the four of us.

Introducing Vader to his new packmember was pretty easy-going - I greeted him first, had him smell the skullcap from the birth center, and when he calmed down, had Tyson bring GodotDeuce in. Vader quickly calmed down, up until the first time I tried to nurse - then he suddenly jumped up to put his front paws on the bed, and couldn't stop licking us both. Since then, he's been in guard mode, and anytime we take GodotDeuce out of the house, upon our return he inspects the carseat thoroughly.

As of Sunday night, we were still debating names. Tyson was thinking Tyrion would be too much like Game of Thrones, so we were trying to figure out how to spell "Tier-ren", though I also kept writing out alternative spellings for Tyrion, such as Tyrian and Tyrien, when Tyson finally turned to Tyler and asked, "Which do you like better for GodotDeuce - Tier-ren or Tyrien?" Tyler picked Tyrien.

I wrote out several middle names that started with R and told Tyson to pick one. He didn't seem to like any of them. The next day, he texted one suggested by Shawn. Reynard. I looked it up, liked the different meanings for it, and liked that it has both German and French roots. So I texted back yes. It wasn't until a few days later that I realized I didn't know how to pronounce it, and that we were saying it differently. It should be the French pronunciation. I left the final spelling of Tyrien up to Tyson, and he went with en. He contacted the birth center to let them know, and so the offical name is Tyrien Reynard Keith.

I'll post more pictures soon!