Kylo's Ascension

As much as we love Kylo, it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing. He's highly intelligent, but he is by no means obedient. He was stray for a good while, he's savvy, knows how to figure stuff out, and therefore, doesn't have a whole lot of "need" for humans. He likes us, he wants to be with us, but that doesn't mean he's going to do what we say just because we say it.

He's been pretty good about listening to me when not distracted. But when distracted, it's a whole other story. And even for me, when I come in after working all day, if he's out of the crate, but not outside, he turns into a Tazmanian Devil, jumping and mouthing me, trying to get me to stop walking and crouch to the floor so he can be close to myself. So, I could solve the problem by just crouching to the floor the moment I walk in the door. But that's not my style. (If he's in the crate and I'm the one to let him out, it's fine. If he's outside, and I'm the one to let him in, it's fine. It's just if he's free ranging in the living room that it's an issue.) He also still goes berserk at the doorbell, is still fearful of the vacuum, and still tends to jump on adult guests. He also still eats the kids' toys if given the opportunity. So what HAVE we accomplished so far?

A lot, actually! You see, until we got him into our house, we had no idea he'd never lived in a house before. He was a bull in a china shop. He was all over the furniture, counter surfing, knocking the kids down, mouthing the kids, and within a week, I had realized he wasn't even housebroken! He would relieve himself outside if he happened to be outside, but if he were in the house when he got the urge, he wouldn't communicate his intent to relieve himself before doing so. And when I would let him outside, he had no sense of urgency about relieving himself. He also had no sense of urgency about relieving himself on walks, either, instead storing it all up until he found a neighbor to greet - he'd jump to great the neighbor and then open the floodgates on the neighbor's shoes. There were lots of destructive behaviors, some escaping behaviors, as well as a ridiculous obsession with retrieving and chewing on kitchen towels and bedsheets, until I gave up on the "leave it" command and simply found new, inaccessible places to store said items.

He aced beginning and intermediate obedience classes. I warned the instructor and the other classmates, "He's smart, but he's not actually obedient." Finally, in the advanced class, the instructor got to see just how untrained he actually was. Both he and another little dog - maybe a lab-beagle mix, were exhibiting identical behaviors - jumping up on people, and reacting to nearby dogs. She dedicated the entire series to teaching them not to react. We practiced standing outside of Petsmart and not reacting to the dogs walking in and out. We tried practicing walking our dogs together, and still not reacting to the other dogs.  We had good days and bad days. The other dog stopped attending. We kept going, well past the 6 weeks that were designated to the class. She invited me to bring him back to an intermediate class, just to practice the skills in the presence of more dogs.

Meanwhile, Kylo began having random moments of fearfulness towards Tyson. He at times would act as though he wanted to "protect" the rest of us from Tyson. So off to the vet we went. The vet explained that since it was clear Kylo had separation anxiety, the protective behaviors may also be due to anxiety. Even his jumping and mouthing could be anxiety related. The vet gave me prescription medication and a referral to a behaviorist, stressing that the medication wasn't the cure, that behavior modification was necessary to fix this.

The medicine made a huge difference - suddenly, walking Kylo around other dogs was a breeze, and he initially stopped mouthing and jumping on me. But while we waited for the appointment with the behaviorist, Kylo's fearfulness increased. He was now trembling around Tyson, and even leaking urine in front of him. The behaviorist explained, "His behavior is VERY submissive. You have a dog who is afraid of you." She taught us a lot about fearful dogs. She showed us numerous pictures of dogs and people's emotional states, teaching us to find the similarities. She showed us lots of pictures depicting the many ways dogs can display fear. She increased the dose of Kylo's medication, and taught us new ways to address Kylo when he is experiencing fear. She couldn't identify the cause of Kylo's fear, just "something is spooking him." She said instead of trying to get him to face his fear, Tyson should just redirect Kylo's attention elsewhere. Meanwhile, she noted that Kylo was "both pushy and fearful" and worked to address Kylo's attention-demanding behaviors.

Next, she had Tyson feed him freshly cooked chicken while working to establish trust.Then she worked on teaching Tyson some relationship building skills, through "Touch" and "Watch me." She explained that by getting Kylo to make eye contact with Tyson, his oxytocin levels would increase, strengthening their bond.  Lastly, she recommended Tyson teach Kylo "environmental agility" to strengthen their relationship.

Kylo had already figured out how to climb on the swingset on his own...

After just one practice session with Tyson, Kylo easily climbed the wall.

Suddenly, Kylo is so much more interested in Tyson. One day, Tyson said, "Look at him, he's weird again. He won't come when I call him." He squatted down, held out his hands, and Kylo walked straight into his arms, and gave him a kiss. While he always seemed restless until every member of his pack came home, now he actively seeks Tyson for affection.

I am so glad that he and Tyson are back on track. But I also really get a kick out of Kylo's new skills!

Christmas 2019

Christmas is one of our favorite holidays. We were lucky this year to get to celebrate with both Grandma G and Grandma A. We continued Peggy Johnson's tradition of Christmas jammies. My sister's right, it adds to the joy because the kids look as though they, too, are wrapped up as Christmas gifts.

We were very lucky that Santa called our house to check in with Tyrien. I think Tyrien gave him a run for his money! Poor Santa couldn't get a word in edgewise, and finally, asked if Tyler was there, and if by any chance he could speak to him. Tyler was happy to oblige.

Tyrien was shouting at Tyler to give him back the phone to talk to Santa some more. Santa quickly got off the phone. As Tyler wasn't sure if Santa got everything, he proceeded to write him a letter. He dropped it in the mail before we could check how he had labeled the envelope. I explained that next time, he needed to use a stamp, return address, etc. He cranked out another letter to Santa, put a stamp on the envelope, assured me he had spoken to Tyson about it, and dashed out to the mailbox again. When I checked in with Tyson later, why no, he had NOT gone over how to properly address/return address an envelope, and of course, the mail man had already picked it up. Surprisingly, that letter somehow made it to Santa, because Santa wrote back! Tyler was thrilled.

Meanwhile, Christmas the Elf continued to serve as a backup for communicating with the North Pole. While Grandma A was at our house accepting a refrigerator delivery, somehow Christmas ended up in Kylo's mouth. Grandma A was able to rescue Christmas and nurture him back to health. He will forever bear the mark of Kylo on his face, but he seemed cheerful as ever about it.

We continued our annual tradition of building a gingerbread house (from a kit cuz we're slackers like that) and baking Christmas cookies to give away as gifts. This year, I got behind. I cut and baked the sugar cookies on the Thursday night before Christmas, in the hopes that Tyler could give them to his teachers the next day, which was the last day before the break. Tyler decorated 7 cookies in the morning, but they didn't set fast enough. I stopped by the house to pick them up before going to pick him up from early release at school. He handed one teacher a cookie, bypassing his math teacher, who was standing right next to her, and running to deliver a cookie to his drama teacher, stopping to give one to his art teacher, who was in the crosswalk at the time, calling out, "Drive-by cookie delivery???" He then ran back to the initial cluster of teachers and proceeded to pass them out, again bypassing his math teacher. He ran out of cookies, so left without giving her one. Awkward...we'll have to give her a new year's treat instead.

We were then able to decorate the rest of the cookies at our leisure. We listened to Tyler's playlist while working on the cookies, including Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" and Beastie Boys "You Gotta Fight", so of course decorating fell to the wayside as the dance party emerged. The irony that we were rocking out to those two songs in particular while Grandma G was trying to take a nap made me laugh. The dance party/cookie decorating continued for quite some time, and led directly into the gingerbread house assembly project.

A couple years ago, Tyrien experimented by shoving a gingerbread house decoration - a candy ball, way up his nostril. He remembered this, and was very concerned with preventing Tyler and me from making the same mistake.

Typically, we invite Grandma A for a special Christmas sleepover at our house. Grandma G sleeps on the futon in the family room, and Grandma A sleeps on an air mattress in the office. This year, Grandma A was dogsitting for our friends, so we skipped the sleepover. Still, on Christmas Eve, we continued our annual tradition of attending the Christmas Eve Candlight Service together. We've been going to Catalina United Methodist for the past few years. This year, they set up a cookie decorating station and a photo booth.

After the service, we drive around, looking for awesome Christmas Light displays. This year, the Castle House on 5th St. was a favorite, as were some in the neighborhood right behind it.

We got the kids to bed early this year, around 9pm. Tyler was very concerned that he would not be getting any gifts this year, particularly since he hadn't seen any presents anywhere around the house.   We agreed that he could wake any late sleepers at 7am by playing the piano. Kylo alerted me that Tyler was up and out of his room a little before 6am. I went to capture the beauty of the early bird scoping out the Christmas gifts.

At 7:00am, Tyler began plunking some tunes - Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. When this failed to elicit the desired response, he repeated the song, louder and louder, rousing Tyrien and Grandma G, but not Tyson. Finally he gave up and went to our room to deliver a personalized wake up message to Tyson.

The boys moved on, but Kylo kept on posing...

Our tradition of allowing the four-footed member of the family to initiate the gift-opening process continued. However, since Kylo is too nervous to enjoy chewing on a bone in front of people, Santa brought him a different type of gift this year.

Kylo loves stuffed animals, and he loves puzzles. How perfect to get a puzzle made out of stuffed animals!

The chipmunks turned out to be a great source of entertainment for the rest of us throughout the day.

Meanwhile, the gift-opening continued...

Favorite gifts this year were beyblades for Tyler, Paw Patrol and a claw machine for Tyrien, and flannel sheets to warm those cold little feet at night. Grandma A came over later in the morning, bearing more gifts.Tyson made a delicious breakfast, then Tyler and Tyson enjoyed a new video game. After a while,  Tyson and I enjoyed a winter walk with Kylo - usually only one of us gets to walk with Kylo at a time, so a walk together was a special treat.  Grandma A returned for our family dinner.

The day after Christmas is usually "Official Play With Your Toys Day." This year, Grandma G wanted to go see her cousin Gary. I knew his son Brad was in town with his family. I know how much Tyler loves to see cousins, so we left our house at 8:30am to try to catch Brad and his family before they left town. It worked! We arrived just as Lili and the kids were pulling away for supply shopping. We caught up with Gary and Beth, then Brad returned from hosting a geocaching event. He introduced Tyler to Cameron's scooter. Tyler asked, "Is the man with the grey shirt, not the old man but the other man, is he my family?" As I explained, "My Grandma K was Echo Belle, she was sisters with Erma, Erma's son is Gary, inside, and Gary's son is Brad", Brad entered the garage, immediately caught on to the conversation, and added, "your mother and I are second cousins, so you and Cameron are third cousins." Tyler grinned. He loves family!

At last, Cameron arrived! Tyler got some time alone with him. For the first time ever, when I approached Tyler to snap a picture, Tyler gave me a look as if to say, "Mom, you're ruining it! Leave us alone!" I quickly retreated, beaming inside to know how much Tyler treasured this moment.

Merry Christmas!

Kylo!

I'm always happiest when I have a dog living in my house. To me a dog means safety, love, companionship, the ability to go for evening runs, a reason to not work too late after closing, a companion for nights of insomnia, etc. I've missed Vader immensely. Especially at night. Whenever I stirred in my sleep, he'd come check on me, give me a reassuring kiss, and I'd usually fall right back to sleep. Even on his last night, he kept coming to check on me.

I've been wanting a dog pretty much ever since he died - I never got used to not having one. Tyson was against it because we were so busy. But as Tyrien became more independent, and as our friends kept toting the value of dogs, it felt like Tyson was beginning to soften. Tyler was asking for a dog, and anytime we were in the presence of dogs, the boys would spend a ton of  time cuddling with them.

Even Tyson.

Tyler had started asking for a dog. I advised him to think about the chores that come with having a dog, and to prepare his marketing spiel before approaching his dad.

Tyler's rhetoric must have worked, because on my birthday, just a little over two years after Vader died, Tyson gave me this, the most wonderful present.

We kept this gift hidden from the boys. My birthday gift could also be their Christmas gift!

Little did we know, that same evening, a stray dog was picked up and brought to the Maricopa County Animal Shelter.

 Back in Tucson, I began my search for a canine companion. The first time I went to the local animal shelter, I felt completely overwhelmed. So much noise, so many people, so many dogs. My criteria was pretty specific - I was looking for a Labrador Retriever mix, at least 1 year old, under 60 pounds, black fur, and preferably male. I didn't find anything like that. Instead, I found a tan, female lab mix named Alice, who seemed sweet, but she was there with her sister, they were hoping  they'd be adopted together. No way were we getting two dogs!  I decided if she were still there the next weekend, I'd try meeting her in person.

The next weekend, I brought Tyrien with me. Tyrien dubbed the shelter  "The Dog House." We didn't find any new dogs that met our criteria, so we went to check on Alice. When Tyrien approached her kennel, she growled at him and showed her teeth. Okay, no Alice for us. I immediately saw the value in bringing the family with me to meet potential dogs.

When I came home empty-handed a second time, Tyson declared, "I'm going to have to get involved, aren't I?" We were coming up on Christmas. The goal was to get a dog just before Christmas, so we could work with it while we were home over winter break. I started researching dogs in the animal shelters up in Phoenix. It turned out that there were far more dogs meeting my criteria there.

On Saturday, December 22nd, we secretly loaded Vader's old crate into the truck bed and strapped it down. We attended Tyler's Lil Dragons class, as usual. Grandma G was visiting, and joined us. When Tyler realized we were driving all the way to Phoenix instead of going home, he became very upset. We tried to convince him that this trip would be worth it for him, but we didn't give away the surprise. He griped throughout the drive. When we entered the animal shelter, he complained about the smell and all the noise. Tyrien was excited, since he'd already been to one dog house, he knew he'd get to see lots of animals and that some of them would let him cheer them up.

I couldn't locate the dogs I'd found on line at first, except for one,  a small female lab mix named Maggie. A young couple was waiting to get to meet her, so we needed to wait until they made up their mind before we could even visit with her. I realized we were looking for all the same dogs they were, our criteria matched too closely. But Tyson had told me he was interested in dogs larger than my original search, so I asked the gentleman to point me in the direction of the dogs that were too large for them. Eventually, they decided not to take that dog, because she had been brought in for attacking cats, and they already had a cat. So Tyson went to try to meet her through the kennel, while I waited in line to arrange for a private meeting.

Tyson texted me that Maggie was warming up to him, letting him pet her through the kennel. But there were other flags in her file, and the employee couldn't get the computer system to let her see them. Since we had small children with us, she didn't allow us to meet the dog without seeing the file first. Meanwhile, Grandma G had wandered through the "puppies and kittens" section of the shelter - an area I had deemed off limits. She found me and informed me that there were dogs over a year old in the puppy aisle. I looked up my search again, and asked Tyson to try to find a dog named Forrest.

While the employee was apologizing again for not being able to access Maggie's file, Tyson texted that Forrest was already warming up to him. I asked if we could meet Forrest instead. She immediately lit up, saying, "Now, THAT'S the kind of dog I like to adopt."

The employee sent us to an outside kennel. We waited a few minutes for her to bring Forrest on a large rope. She let him off leash. He sniffed Tyson, darted away from Tyrien, Tyler and me, sniffed Grandma G, who had sat down on a plastic chair. She patted his head, and he joyously lifted his leg and urinated on her. Poor Grandma. She was a good sport about it.

Forrest was huge, filthy, stinky, with matted fur, fur missing from the edges of his ears, and dark gritty matter inside his ears. But Tyson saw a diamond in the rough and was able to pet him right away. Forrest took a while to warm up to the rest of us. The employee explained that he had just been neutered the day before, and was likely still groggy from the anesthesia. She explained that he had been brought in as a stray and they had no background information on him. He had no interest in fetch. He was much more interested in splashing in the baby pool, which he wasn't allowed to do, as he wasn't supposed to get his incision wet. We would have to wait 10 days to give him a bath. Man, that dog stank.  Tyrien, surprisingly, ignored Forrest, preferring to throw rocks in the baby pool. Eventually, Forrest warmed up to Tyler, and Tyler muttered hopelessly, "I wish he could come home with us." Tyson and I answered, "Okay." Tyler looked up, confused. "You want a dog for Christmas, right? Do you want this one?" Finally, the trip seemed worthwhile to him.

We had to wait quite a while longer to get Forrest. I had to fill out paperwork, pay fees, and then go to a different part of the shelter and wait for him to be brought to us. The employee who brought him warned, "He's a big time countersurfer." Next we had to take him to another part of the clinic for his microchip and blood test. Each employee we passed warned, "That dog is a major countersurfer." Tyson prepared the crate in the back of the truck. The employee who had been working with us expressed concern about Forrest riding in the back of the truck for the drive back to Tucson. The dog weighed 67 pounds. There were five passengers. No way was he fitting inside the cab of the truck. Tyson calmly pointed out, "He rode in the back of a truck to get here, right?" She kindly located a huge, warm horse blanket and some treats. We had brought a water bowl, anchored it to the crate, and filled it with water. Next, we tried to get the dog up into the bed of the truck. He refused

I tried showing him how to climb up, to no avail. I tried walking him a few feet back, and running directly at the truck. That didn't work either. Aware that the employee was still standing there, watching us, judging us, I finally approached Forrest like a lamb, and picked him up, all 67 pounds, and placed him in the truck. I used treats to get him into the crate. He cried when I locked the crate. I climbed into the truck with the rest of the family. As I buckled in, he began barking. We heard a wrenching, clunking sound. Tyson muttered, "That was the water dish." Next, he started attacking the crate, trying to  pry his way out. I saw that employee was still standing there, watching us. We worried the crate wouldn't last for the drive home. "I'll ride in the back with him."

I climbed into the bed of the truck, and curled up around the crate. Tyson drove gently to an In and Out restaurant. We brought him out of the crate, taking turns to enter the restaurant for the restroom, taking turns eating, and of course, feeding him hamburger. He warmed up to us all very quickly right about then.

Tyson walked him around the parking lot. For not wanting a dog, he sure gave him a lot of love and attention!

We had talked about the name Kenobi before we met Forrest. We realized Kenobi was too long, and Forrest ended with a hard consonant. Plus, he wasn't responding to it, so obviously it wasn't his name.We needed a name that was two syllables and that could be drawn out when we needed to call him. We started trying out various Jedi names. Obi-wan. Three syllables. Obi - no we already knew a dog named that. Yoda - no, this dog was too big. Mace. Too short. Windu. Didn't seem to fit him. Qui-Gon. Too hard to say. So we started trying out sith names. Maul. Too short and seemed like a bad idea to give such a dangerous sounding name to a large dog. Anakin. Sidious. Palpatine. Kylo Ren - too many syllables. Kylo. Rolls right off the tongue. And given his behavior in the crate, seemed apropos. Kylo!

Everyone who met Kylo loved him, talked about how striking he was, with that brindle coat. Amazing, because I still couldn't get over the stench.

We loaded him back into the truck. Poor Grandma G was very nervous for me to ride in the back of the truck on the freeway, where the speed limit is 75mph. I wasn't thrilled about it, but honestly, I've had to do it once before. It wasn't as cold that time, though. And I was younger. And it was only partway, when we'd lost a tiedown for a grill we were transporting. I decided to try riding in the cab. Kylo was much calmer this time. Nonetheless, he remained standing for three quarters of the drive. Finally, around Picacho Peak, he decided to lay down.

When we got to our house, we took him for a quick walk up and down the block. When we let him in the house, he bounded onto the couch, bashing and crashing into everything. Then, on leash, we gave him a tour of our house and back yard. His size and enthusiasm were overwhelming. Kylo knew he wanted to be inside that house. But he clearly didn't know how to behave inside a house. Talk about a bull in a china shop!

 This dog is so TALL! Now we saw what the shelter staff meant by "countersurfing." Anything on our breakfast bar and kitchen counters was within his reach, and wow, was he reaching. He entered the family room and turned into a toddler, finding all kinds of hazards to chew. His tail knocked glasses off the coffee table. He tried to get on the couch. Anesthesia - bah! This dog was hyped up beyond belief.

We dug frozen salmon patties out of our freezer. Tyson cooked them and put them in a bowl for Kylo - we hoped the omega 3s would help him recover from being malnourished. He gobbled down his dinner in 39 seconds. I know, because I timed it. When he drank water, he gulped it, but then let it splatter all over the floor.

Eventually, he settled enough to sit.

Then we realized he was interested in watching TV.

We ended up putting a show about dogs on for him. He was so excited whenever he heard the dogs bark, and ran around the living room looking for them. Then he would sit to watch the show again.

I went to the pet store to get him some supplies. When you bring home a dog whose gone through a rough time, it feels so good to pamper and spoil him. Even though it wasn't yet Christmas, I bought him a giant rawhide bone.

He hated it.

Poor Kylo looked so emaciated. His ribs, vertebrae and scapula were all showing, and his hips looked so thin. It felt good to give him Vader's orthopedic bed instead of leaving him to rest on hard tile. Even though he was in a new environment, he fell sound asleep!

That night, we had him sleep in a crate in our room. He whined at first, then settled down. Until Tyson came to bed. Then he started crying again. Frustrated, Tyson left to sleep on the couch. I resisted the urge to let him out of the crate. Eventually he settled down and went to sleep.

The next couple of days, Tyler went out of his way to show Kylo lots of TLC.

After a couple nights,  we started leaving the door to his crate open at night. Kylo would sleep in the crate until Tyson came to bed, then would sleep on the floor next to him. He clung to Tyson during the day. Tyson commented "He must have imprinted with me. Because you're doing all the work but he's acting like he's my dog!" I thought that was GREAT - Vader and Tyson were never close the way Dusty and Tyson were. I was excited for Tyson to have a close bond with a dog again.

Tyrien kept asking if we had to take Kylo back to the dog house. He didn't seem able to believe that Kylo was really going to live with us. There were lots of tears at first, as Kylo's exuberant greetings would send Tyrien crashing to the floor. We all had scratches and teeth marks on our arms. Shirts were torn. Food got stolen. Toys were chewed. Carpets were stained and plants were urinated on.

And Tyler's love for Kylo warmed my heart.