The Unfortunate Step-Stool Incident

Last weekend was an unusally rough time for Tyler and me – he is at the age of ultimate egocentrism, so his current behavior is very demanding, and relentlessly naughty. What I mean is that he commits several recalcitrant deeds in succession, so just as I am picking up the pieces from one transgression, he’s already committing another. I’m having a hard time being patient with this, and of course, feelings of guilt and inadequacy surface.

Fortunately, at work Monday, a conversation about bruises led to me sharing a bit of my weekend experience. My wise and experienced co-worker, Julie, began laughing hysterically, and I finally saw the humor in it all, and realized I should write it down.

The conversation began with me saying that I will soon be seeing a terrible bruise from where I hit the door hinge as I ran through it, the kind of bruise that’s so bad, it hasn’t even surfaced yet.

Why was I running through a door?

To hide a step stool.

Why was I hiding a stool?

Because Tyler had just used that stool, first, to push all the buttons on the over-the-stove microwave/hood/light over and over and over, until he managed to burn out the lightbulb. I retrieved him from the stool and scolded him. I walked away to check on the laundry, only to discover that he’d thwarted the child-proof system and turned off both the washer and the dryer, in mid-cycle. As I reset the machines to start over, I heard the sound of water hitting tile. I dashed to the kitchen to find he was now using the stool to reach the kitchen sink faucet, and had flooded the sink. I scolded him while cleaning up the water, then told him he could no longer play with the stool, and put the stool in the master bathroom, closing both the bathroom door and the bedroom door in a futile attempt to dissuade him from retrieving it. I returned to doing laundry, but heard the sound of a door being opened. I ran to the master bathroom just in time to find him pulling bottles of shaving cream and deodorant from the medicine cabinet to throw into the sink.

In that moment, I lost my mind.

And so the race began. I pulled him off the stool, and set him in the shower and shut the shower door. Sure, he can open that door, but it would slow him down. I grabbed the stool and bolted out of the bathroom, pulling the bathroom door closed behind me. I raced out of the bedroom, still carrying the stool, and pulled that door closed behind me, just as I heard the bathroom door open. I dashed down the hallway, and then, to throw the evil genius off track, I slammed the guest bathroom door closed. I continued running, knowing he had now escaped the bedroom and was catching up. I opened the garage door and slammed it closed. Barreling down the hallway, I slammed HIS bedroom door closed. I then collided with the guest bedroom door, but continued onward despite the pain, placed the stool at the far side of the room, threw a blanket over it, and came out of the guest room, just in time to see Tyler storming out of the guest bathroom, intent on finding that cursed stool. I quickly slipped into his bedroom, and back out again, slamming the door decisively, then holding THAT door knob to keep the door closed as he struggled to open it. I refused to let him enter, thus tricking him into believing the stool MUST be in his bedroom. Tantrum ensued. Eventually, an offer of cheese crackers distracted him from the tantrum, and by the time he returned to his bedroom with his bag of crackers, he entered and looked around the room, bewildered, clearly having forgotten what it was that he was so desperate to find. Phew.

Julie's response (amid much laughter) - “I can totally picture the look on your face, anger and panic combined, and I can just SEE Tyler coming down that hallway, with that determined look he gets, because I’ve seen that kid, and he is a TANK.”

Needless to say, I did not live up to my definition of good parenting that day.

But it's been a week, and Tyler hasn't asked for that stool.

And by Thursday night, Tyler returned to his customarily happy, easygoing mood. We had a wonderful day yesterday, and things look good so far this morning...Hoping for continued sunny skies in the Tyler Forecast!